Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
