but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
