I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
