haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
