am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
