Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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