Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
