I'm eating all of the evidence.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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