just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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