the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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