im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
