Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
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And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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