We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
