I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
