guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
wat bout pragnant strippers??
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
