We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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