Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
