I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
