my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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