he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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