Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
