She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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