i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
