I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
