I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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