I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
