My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
