1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
