Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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