Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
