Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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