come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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