Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He felt like a one man threesome
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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