I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
