I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
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she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
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Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
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