I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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