I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
