I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
