so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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