he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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