You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
