Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
