we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
