I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
