i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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