when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
