I murdered the dance floor call the cops
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I wish you could order shots online.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
