OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
