Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
It's rum buckets o'clock
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
