I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
