Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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