Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
My vagina just recognized that song.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
