Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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