There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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