I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
