Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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