Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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