I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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