once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
