Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
