i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
