Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize