She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
