Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
