Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
