I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
