Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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