I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
