I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
