So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
