apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
