I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
