There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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